by Simona Efanov, PsyD
Strengthen Your Relationship with the Gottman Approach
Building a strong, lasting relationship takes effort, and no one understands this better than Drs. John and Julie Gottman. As renowned psychologists and researchers with over 40 years of groundbreaking research on relationships and marriage stability, the Gottman’s have identified key elements that help couples foster love, resilience, and emotional intimacy. The Ross Center is presenting a workshop based on Dr. Gottman’s New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, which was developed from decades of research with over 3,000 couples. This workshop offers practical, research-backed strategies to help couples enhance their connection and navigate challenges together.
Why the 7-Principles Workshop Is Effective
The Seven Principles workshop is an interactive, research-based experience designed to help couples strengthen their relationships through hands-on exercises and real-life applications. Whether you’re newly engaged, married for decades, or in a committed partnership, this workshop provides tangible tools to:
- Deepen friendship and intimacy
- Improve communication and conflict resolution
- Navigate difficult conversations with empathy and respect
- Build a future together based on shared values, goals and aspirations
- Develop a strong foundation for a healthier and more fulfilling partnership
This approach is inclusive, making it suitable for couples of all backgrounds, orientations, and relationship stages.
Couples leave the workshop with skills and concrete tools for improving their relationship, while learning how to put research-backed strategies into practice.
What You’ll Learn: The Seven Principles
How do couples achieve these goals? A successful marriage or relationship does not necessarily refer to one without conflict, challenges or turmoil. The Gottman approach, instead, teaches couples how to address challenges so they can grow stronger together. Couples learn to understand and accept one another while developing greater resilience.
1. Enhancing Couples Love Maps
The first principle emphasizes the importance of really knowing your partner on a deep, personal level and understanding their worldviews, history and experiences through their own lens. The end goal is to learn about our partner as if you were to navigate a map, and while not sharing the exact same experience, learn to appreciate your partner for who they are. This principle allows couples to develop stronger forms of emotional intimacy, foster acceptance of one another, and gain a deeper understanding of the themes important to each partner. The workshop addresses ways to engage in exercises that are helping couples discover or re-discover parts of their partner’s inner world.
2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration For Each Other
Dr. Gottman’s research demonstrated that a major predictor of a successful marriage is the ability to express admiration and affection for each other. It’s common to let resentment or frustration build up, especially when life gets busy, stressful or overwhelming. However, couples who actively nurture fondness and admiration are more likely to weather conflicts and remain committed to one another. In the workshop, couples are taught specific ways to highlight each other’s strengths and to express appreciation for the positive qualities in their partner. This practice helps to build a culture of respect and admiration that can sustain a marriage through its ups and downs.
3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away
A marriage isn’t just about sharing good times together—it’s about how you respond to each other during the tough moments. Gottman’s research shows that couples who “turn toward” each other in moments of stress or emotional need have stronger marriages than those who “turn away” or ignore each other. Turning toward your partner could be something as simple as acknowledging what they shared, responding with interest, validating or offering a lightheaded comment to defuse a situation. In the workshop, couples will have the opportunity to practice this skill.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You
Dr. Gottman’s research found that couples who share power and respect each other’s opinions are more likely to stay together long-term and form partnerships where both individuals contribute to a discussion, decision and life together. This principle emphasizes the importance of being open to your partner’s influence and making decisions using a “we” approach.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems
In any marriage, there will always be issues that are solvable, while others that are consistent or perpetual. In the workshop, couples will learn how to tackle problems with kindness and empathy, and to reach compromises when applicable. By staying solution-focused, couples can solve problems without them turning into larger issues that can harm the relationship. Couples will learn effective ways to communicate in times of conflict, and to participate in active listening and validation during difficult conversations. While the workshop does not aim to help couples solve specific problems, it provides tools that can be used as problems arise in the future.
6. Overcome Gridlock
Gridlock refers to those deeply rooted, often existential, differences between partners that can cause frustration and conflict. Instead of avoiding these tough conversations, the Gottman approach encourages couples to engage in discussions that acknowledge both perspectives and seek to understand the underlying needs driving each person’s stance. In the workshop, couples will learn communication and conflict resolution techniques rooted in science that can help them navigate difficult topics. Overcoming gridlock doesn’t mean resolving the conflict completely—it’s about learning to live with differences and finding ways to support each other’s dreams, even if they don’t always align perfectly.
7. Create Shared Meaning
The final principle focuses on the creation of a shared sense of purpose and meaning in a relationships or marriage. This principle is about forging rituals, goals, and values that connect partners on a deeper level. It’s about creating a life together that feels purposeful and fulfilling, and that reflects both your individual and shared dreams. When couples align their values and create a shared sense of purpose, it strengthens the emotional bond and gives the relationship a sense of unity and direction.
How is the Workshop Structured?
- In-person Full-Day Workshop: Led by Dr. Simona Efanov, a licensed psychologist and certified Seven Principles Workshop Leader. Includes lectures, guided exercises, and discussions. Couples will have the opportunity to practice exercises independently, with plenty of time for questions and discussion.
- Future Virtual Sessions Available: A flexible format designed to accommodate couples from various locations.
Who Should Attend?
This workshop is ideal for:
- Couples in committed relationships (married, engaged, or long-term partners)
- Couples considering long-term commitment (or pre-engaged)
- Those looking to strengthen their bond and improve communication
- Couples of any background, age, faith, or sexual orientation
Not recommended for couples experiencing severe distress, active substance abuse, or ongoing emotional/physical abuse.
The Gottman 7 principle Workshop was initially designed for married couples. However, research has consistently shown that the principles in the workshop apply to any committed relationship. Therefore, the workshop is a good fit for:
Learn more about the 7 Principles Workshop HERE.
Ready to enhance your relationship? Contact Dr. Simona Efanov at 703-687-6610, Ext 143, or [email protected]. for a consultation to determine if this workshop is right for you.
About the Presenter
Dr. Simona Efanov is a Licensed Psychologist in Virginia, Quebec and PSYPACT based states with over 9 years of experience providing psychotherapy and couples therapy to a diverse group of individuals. Dr. Efanov is a 7 Principles Workshop Certified Leader and a Level II Gottman therapist. She has extensive experience working with individuals and couples with a history of trauma, life transitions, infidelity and intimacy concerns and with couples experiencing high conflict. Her approach in therapy integrates Gottman principles as well as emotion-focused and attachment-based therapies.
Dr. Efanov’s background stems from integrating research into clinical practice, as such, she selects treatments and approaches that are evidence based and sustained by the scientific literature, while adapting them to each individuals’ unique sets of needs. As a clinical psychologist, her training has equipped her with working with complex cases and integrate scientific knowledge into practical and tangible practices. In her couples’ work, she emphasis the importance of fostering trust, work together on ways to heal and repair past hurts, and build a strong sense of intimacy in couples – all of which help couples build resilience.
