Supporting Anxious Children at Nighttime
For some families, nighttime is a time to rest, recharge, and enjoy the quiet moments of connection. But for many families, nighttime can often feel like a struggle—filled with worries, resistance, and distress. For children experiencing anxiety, bedtime can be an overwhelming challenge. Whether a child experiences generalized anxiety, OCD, panic, or subclinical anxiety (anxiety that doesn’t meet full clinical criteria but still significantly affects their daily life), nighttime can become a battleground. As parents, it’s tough to see your child struggle during a time that should be filled with peace and relaxation, leaving you unsure of how best to support them.
Anxiety often Increases at Night
Anxiety can become amplified at night for a number of reasons. During the day, children are busy with activities, school, and social interactions, which often distract them from anxious thoughts. But when bedtime rolls around, the external distractions fade away, and the quiet can lead anxious thoughts to rise to the surface. For children with generalized anxiety, this may include worries about school performance, health, or future events. For children with subclinical anxiety, the worry might be less specific but still significant—concerns about safety, what might happen during the night, or the uncertainty of what lies ahead.
In these quiet moments, anxious thoughts can spiral, making it hard for children to relax and sleep. Whether it’s fear of the dark, fear of being separated from parents, or a fear of something bad happening, these thoughts can lead to difficulty falling asleep, frequent wake-ups, or resistance to bedtime. This can become a repetitive cycle that leaves both parents and children feeling stuck and frustrated.
How SPACE Therapy Can Help
SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) therapy provides a thoughtful approach to supporting children through anxiety, without reinforcing avoidance behaviors or excessive reassurance. It’s essential to understand that SPACE doesn’t suggest parents cause their child’s anxiety. Instead, it recognizes that parents are in a unique position to help children manage their anxiety effectively. The key is in how parents respond to anxious behaviors. By adjusting their responses in specific ways, parents can help their children feel more in control of their anxiety, even at bedtime.
- Reframing Parental Responses to Anxiety
Parents often instinctively offer reassurance when their child expresses anxiety, especially at night. You might stay in the room until your child falls asleep or repeatedly reassure them that everything is fine. While this response comes from a loving place, it can unintentionally reinforce the belief that the child’s fears are something to be feared, rather than something they can manage. SPACE therapy encourages parents to offer comfort and support without reinforcing anxious behaviors. Instead of staying in the room or offering excessive reassurance, parents can help their child build confidence in managing their own anxiety, slowly encouraging more independence at bedtime.
- Setting Clear and Gradual Limits on Anxiety-Driven Requests
Anxious children often make repeated requests at bedtime—asking for water, checking for monsters, or demanding that a parent stay with them longer. These requests are an attempt to alleviate their anxiety, but constantly giving in can strengthen the cycle of anxiety. In SPACE therapy, parents are taught how to set clear, consistent limits on these requests in a gradual way. For example, a parent might initially stay with the child for a few minutes before bed, but over time, they reduce the amount of time spent in the room. By setting these limits gently but consistently, children learn that their fears do not need to be constantly reassured, helping them build tolerance to anxiety and become more self-reliant.
Supporting Older Children
Older children may present different challenges. They might rely on technology in the evenings or resist early bedtimes. Here, it’s crucial to clarify limits on device usage to reduce blue light exposure and create an environment more conducive to sleep. Encourage them to choose calming activities, like listening to music or reading a physical book, as part of their sleep routine. While stuffed animals might feel “babyish” to some teens, a comforting throw blanket or soothing playlist can serve a similar purpose.
When to Seek Professional Support
If bedtime difficulties persist or if anxiety in children significantly impacts daytime functioning, it may be beneficial to consult a mental health professional. SPACE can be learned in independently, but for some families, professional guidance offers personalized support and added accountability. The Ross Center offers SPACE treatment for parents in a group setting as well as in one-on-one sessions with a SPACE trained therapist. It’s important to recognize your limits and seek help when needed—no family should feel isolated in addressing a child’s anxiety.
Connect with The Ross Center
If you and your family live in Washington, DC, Northern Virginia, or the New York City area, or in a PSYPACT participating state (listed here) and need more tailored support, The Ross Center is here to help. Our team specializes in SPACE and other evidence-based treatments for anxiety in children. To learn more about how we can help your child develop healthy sleeping habits and cope with anxiety, contact us to schedule a consultation. You don’t have to navigate bedtime challenges alone—professional, compassionate care is available to guide you toward more peaceful nights.
