Written By: Sydney Brinson, PsyD
How to Support your Child's Back-to-School Anxiety Without Making it Worse
As the school year approaches, many parents notice their children becoming more anxious. A child may ask repeated questions about their teacher, schedule, classmates, or whether they will be able to handle the workload. A teenager may suddenly experience stomachaches, have trouble sleeping, or say that they do not feel ready to go back.
When a child is anxious, a parent’s instinct is often to try to make the anxiety go away. Parents may reassure them, help them avoid uncomfortable situations, answer the same question repeatedly, or remove expectations that seem overwhelming. These responses are understandable and often provide immediate relief.
The problem is that what reduces anxiety in the short term can sometimes strengthen it in the long term.
How Avoidance Reinforces Anxiety
Anxiety often tells us that something uncomfortable is also dangerous. Avoidance can unintentionally confirm that message. For example, an anxious teenager may say they cannot attend orientation because they are worried they will not know anyone. Allowing them to skip it may reduce their distress that afternoon, but it can also reinforce the belief that social discomfort is something they cannot tolerate.
The same pattern can show up in other ways. A parent might contact a teacher on their child’s behalf, allow them to stay home when anxiety causes physical discomfort, or repeatedly reassure them that “everything will be fine.”
These responses often come from a desire to reduce a child’s distress in the moment. The goal is to notice when support may unintentionally make it easier to avoid situations that feel uncomfortable or anxiety-provoking.
Validate the Feeling and Encourage the Behavior
Supporting an anxious child does not mean minimizing their feelings or forcing them into situations without preparation. Parents can validate anxiety while still communicating confidence in their child’s ability to cope.
Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” which can minimize their internal
experience, try a two-step approach: Validate the feeling, then encourage the behavior.
- Validate the emotion: “I hear how nervous you are about finding your classes. It makes
sense that you’d feel nervous when you don’t know what to expect yet.” - Express confidence: “I know this feels hard, and I also know you can handle it. Let’s
think through a plan together.”
From Avoidance to Coping
To help your child transition back to school without reinforcing avoidance, try shifting from fixing the discomfort to building their ability to tolerate and respond to it:
- Limit repetitive reassurance: Provide a thoughtful answer, but if the same question keeps coming up, gently redirect: “We talked about the schedule earlier. What do you remember about our plan?”
- Take gradual steps toward the feared situation: If attending a full orientation feels overwhelming, consider smaller steps, such as driving by the school, walking through the building beforehand, or attending part of the event rather than skipping it entirely.
- Focus on problem-solving: Ask questions such as, “If that happens, what is one thing you could do to handle it?” This shifts the focus from preventing anxiety to building confidence in their ability to cope.
The goal is not to eliminate back-to-school jitters. It is to help your child learn that anxiety can be uncomfortable without being dangerous, and that they are capable of moving forward even when anxiety shows up.
Resources to Support Your Anxious Child
The Ross Center offers multiple resources for you and your anxious child, including:
- therapy for children and adolescents
- consultation and training for parents
- SPACE groups (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions
- free workshops on back-to-school anxiety.
Please CONTACT US if you are looking for additional support. You and your family do not need to struggle on your own.