When Someone You Love Is Depressed
There are few things more challenging than watching someone you love in pain. It can be especially challenging when that pain is internal or difficult to comprehend, as is often the case with depression. Misconceptions about depression can lead to further hurt, both for the depressed person and for the people who love them.
Unfortunately, depression is a ubiquitous condition. According to the World Health Organization, more than 264 million people have depression. It’s likely that you have at least one friend or family member who has suffered, or is suffering, from this disorder. Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide and a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease, and many people have struggled with its impacts.
How to Help a Loved One with Depression
So what can you do? You may feel helpless to support your loved one – this is a common response.
Part of this helplessness may stem from a lack of understanding about depression; it’s hard to understand what depression feels like if you haven’t directly experienced it yourself.
Another part of this helplessness can stem from worry and a desire for things to be different; you may want to pull your loved one out of their pain, but unfortunately, that is often not possible. With that being said, there are steps you can take to support your friend, child, partner, family member, etc.
1. First and foremost, support them in getting help if they are not already connected to a mental health professional. Often the best treatment for depression is a combination of medication and psychotherapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Interpersonal Therapy are both treatments that have been shown to be effective in treating depression).
If you’re not sure where to get started, PsychologyToday.com can be a helpful place to find therapists in your area. If your loved one is suicidal, call 911 or take them to your nearest emergency room. You can also call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for support. Hospitals can provide people with assessments and connect them with the proper level of care.
2. Once your loved one is connected to proper treatment, you can consider the ways that you can be supportive. One very important but often missed step is to allow your loved one to feel whatever they’re feeling. We often want to fix them or take away their pain, but this can often feel invalidating to a person experiencing depression.
Educate yourself on depressive symptoms so you can understand as much as possible what they are going through, and allow them the space to process and heal.
3. Trust that your loved one can take care of themselves. It can be tricky to sit by and watch someone stay in bed all day when you recognize that taking a walk outside may really improve their mood, but it’s important to not be too pushy about their process.
You can provide gentle encouragement to engage in helpful activities such as exercise, spending time outside, and connecting to others, but be mindful of their reaction. People are most likely to take steps to care for themselves when they come up with these ideas on their own or receive gentle support, rather than feeling forced into something.
4. Provide support and help in the way they most prefer. Remember, you know your loved one best. You have a sense of what they need, what their love language is, and how they feel most supported.
If you’re not sure, just ask them. Give a little extra. Cook dinner. Offer help. Make sure they know that they are not a burden. Really listen to make sure you understand what would be most helpful.
5. Finally – perhaps most importantly – take care of yourself. It can be challenging when someone you love is depressed, and you can only support them if you support yourself first.
Make sure you get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and hold space for yourself to engage in whatever self-care practices that you need.
Professional Care for Those Suffering From Depression
The Ross Center offers compassionate and evidence-based therapy for people suffering from depression and other mental health disorders. We can listen, and we can help.
To learn more or to speak with a therapist or psychiatrist, feel free to contact us at one of our three locations: Washington D.C., New York City, and Vienna, Virginia.
